Return of the Shitclown
Trump the Chump wins Unpresidented Election
Well, well, well,
So here we all are again.
President Trump is preparing for the White House. And meanwhile his opponents and the commentariat are trying to get their shell-shocked brains around how he not only defeated Kamala Harris but did it convincingly.
Where should the finger of blame be pointed? Did Biden hold onto the ticket for too long? Was Harris a flawed candidate? Did the Democrats fail to understand the ‘new media’ environment? Are there just a critical mass of voting Americans who are as thick as excrement?
These factors all played a part. But there’s something else going on here, which human journalists and politicians have ludicrously skated over. Allow me to redress the balance.
This was always going to happen. Maybe not yesterday. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day And that’s because of a simple political truism:
If you leave any loophole open, don’t be surprised when a life-form one day squirms through it.
And in 1776, the Founding Fathers of the United States left the mother of all loopholes. I’m looking at you, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and yes, you, Alexander Hamilton. You might have all been political visionaries, and talented musical theatre performers with an anachronistically modern R ‘n’ B edge, but honestly, what a bunch of naive imbeciles.
Why? Because of this:
NO CONVICTED CRIMINAL, AND/OR RINGLEADER OF AN INSURRECTION AGAINST THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT, SHALL BE ELIGIBLE FOR THE PRESIDENCY.
Twenty simple words, which which you idiotically left out of your Constitution.
This single act of carelessness set a time bomb running underneath the United States, and 248 Earth years later, it’s gone off. Bigly.
Maybe my status as a ‘novelty’ politician from outer space affords me the ability to be a little more candid than my counterparts in other parties. So let me at least offer you, dear reader, a little something by way of catharsis.
Don’t let the media con you into thinking that the blame for Trump 2.0 lies at the door of Kamala Harris, or Joe Biden, or Hillary Clinton, or Nancy Pelosi, or George Soros, or Agent Smith from the Matrix. Sure, they’ve all got plenty of flaws, and they could and should have done better, but they are mere footnotes compared to two far bigger problems.
One of these is the Knowledge Gap. Humans in 2024 live at a time when their brains have never been more flooded with information. But there are entire parsecs separating information from knowledge. The objective truth is readily obtainable that Donald Trump is an appalling individual who should never be allowed anywhere near public office (again). But far too many humans have had their minds swamped by what erstwhile MAGA apparatchik Kellyanne Conway presciently called ‘alternative facts’. And this has been achieved in no small part thanks to the malevolent influence of billionaire data oligarchs, especially Elon Musk.
The other primary cause is of course Trump himself. I don’t need to recount the sewer of shit that is his record, or the Chamber of Horrors that are the people he’s associated with. This man is the product of a culture that allows bluster to drown out substance, lies to eat facts, tackiness to outshine class, and idiocy to, well, trump intelligence.
He is proof that horrendous, half-witted bullies can reach the very pinnacle of human society, and he is a beacon for similarly appalling wannabes - Johnson, Farage, Le Pen et al - to try to emulate the Tangoed Tosser.
For right-thinking (as opposed to right-leaning) humans, this is a sore day. Leaders across Europe are desperately figuring out how to tiptoe around the Orange Monstrosity’s pathetically fragile ego, while sensible citizens around the world are trying to come to terms with the Return of the Shitclown.
I wanted to round this off with some optimism. Namely that the average life span of male humans in the United States is 77.43 years, and Donald Trump is 78.
But of course the next Vice President will be J.D. Vance. (The J.D. stands for ‘Jumbo Dipshit’). So there’s no solace there.
At least I can assure you of this. Your friendly local space warrior won’t stand idly by, while Trump wreaks his petty vengeance from January 2025 onwards. That’s a promise. And if needs be, at some point over the next four years, I might just have to call on Sigma IX for some reinforcements. ;)
That’ll make the conspiracists choke on their Kool-Aid…
Peace and galactic love,
CB x