Happy 2025! (Except you, Elon)
New year, same bastards. But I'm on the case...
Hello!
I hope you had a fantastic holiday season. As this is my first message of 2025 it is available to all my readers. To get all my full updates this year, I’d be honoured if you’d consider upgrading to a paid subscription, which gives you the premium Binface experience AND also hugely helps to supercharge my satirical crusade to Make Earth Great Again. I can’t do it without your kind and amazing support.
UPGRADE TO A PAID SUBSCRIPTION HERE!
To my readers in California, I send all my best wishes in the wake of the dramatic wildfires that have been devastating parts of Los Angeles. I hope every human stays safe and has a safe and prosperous new year.
I say EVERY human. There is one who does not qualify for well-wishing from me or indeed any life-form in the cosmos. And that is Elon Musk. I wrote about this unfortunate individual last year, since when his direct influence upon democratic politics has grown even more pernicious.
To quote vocally-curious humanoid Loyd Grossman, let’s look at the evidence. Amongst other things, recently Musk has:
whipped up racial hatred in the UK
defended the neo-Nazi AfD Party in Germany
potentially placed the safety of at least one British MP in jeopardy
encouraged the idea of the United States taking control of the UK
influenced the course of the US Presidential Election with $1m ‘bribes’
allegedly discussed ways of ousting the democratically-elected British Prime Minister
affirmed antisemitic and homophobic comments
promoted conspiracy theories
retweeted Laurence Fox
And so the list goes on, and on, and on.
I can tell you from personal experience across Earth’s social media platforms that since Musk’s takeover of Twitter, that site has become a far more unpleasant place, and that I am taking steps to encourage my audience away from X towards better and less dangerous forums, including right here on Substack.
As soon as a critical mass of Countbinistas are with me here and on my Bluesky account, I pledge to leave Musk’s online hellscape for good. That day can’t come quickly enough.
Perhaps the most damning statement about Elon Musk right now is this: he has decided that Nigel Farage is too vanilla for him.
Let that sink in for a moment. Not too long, though. You might be sick.
The way I see it, if you reckon that the arch grift-merchant of Brexit is too mild for you, you really must be a wrong’un.
IMO, for such an individual as Musk to become your planet’s richest person says everything about the shortcomings of unfettered western capitalism. But as ever I have the solution: I will tax him $1billion every time he wants to send anything into space, back-dated to include every SpaceX journey so far. That should do the trick.
Other assorted maniacs
I’ll keep fighting the good fight against not just Musk but every dangerous faction and individual who pose a threat to veracity and democracy. Yes, Zuckerberg, I’m not ignoring you and your concerning changes to Facebook. (Even if Nick Clegg being out of a job is a silver lining.)
Nor am I ignoring the hateful Andrew Tate and his hilarious attempt to ‘become Prime Minister’ of ‘Britan’ with his newly-formed ultra-fascist shitshow party, ‘BRUV’. I’ve already beaten Britain First. I’ll gladly thrash Andrew Tate second.
Yet again, I’m left to conclude that compared to every other political option out there, I’m the most rational choice. Choose sanity. Join me. Vote Binface!
And that brings me to the first 2025 dates for my smash-hit Bindependence Day live comedy show. I’m going to be in Bristol on Friday 31st January and Liverpool on Thursday 6th February. TICKETS ON SALE HERE NOW! Come get a taste of intergalactic wonderment!
You can also get more Bin in your life by subscribing to my wondrous podcast, TRASH TALK, where I interview a whole host of fabulous humans including Ian Hislop, Professor Alice Roberts, Stewart Lee, Lib Dem chief whip Wendy Chamberlain MP and many more. Lots of exciting new episodes are coming down the audio wormhole very soon, and I’d love to be in your ears.
In the meantime, you can also catch me in a full-length interview with comedian Richard Herring in the latest episode his ‘RHLSTP’ Podcast. I loved every minute of it, and hope you do too.
Finally, as promised before Christmas, I’m rolling out some brand new Substack features for 2025, and after a delay caused by a hyperdrive issue, I am going to be running my first live movie watch-along THIS MONTH. Premium subscribers can join me for a full, live text commentary on the little-known arthouse film STAR WARS, on Tuesday 28th January at 7.30pm GMT. Hope to see you there!
Paid subscribers get all the full regular mails, access to my full archive and much more. Plus you’ll be kindly supporting my ongoing efforts to bring relief, sanity and piss-taking to politics. And goodness knows we all need a bit of that.
Till next time, peace and galactic love,
CB x
