Hello humans!
Well, 2025 just never disappoints when it comes to the fruit machine of shit news, does it?
Let’s have a quick look at some of the latest chunks of arse chocolate to be flung into the innocent faces of the general population…
Tony Blair is being allowed to manage a troubled Middle Eastern territory
What could go wrong here? Any citizen in the part of the world could be forgiven for thinking Blair is Britain’s answer to Emperor Palpatine in The Rise of the Skywalker - not only is he nobody’s idea of a fair and impartial figure, but you can’t help thinking ‘How the hell has he come back?’
The US government is shutting down because it’s run out of money. It’s the first time this has happened for seven years, when the President was, oh, let’s guess…
Pete Hegseth, US Secretary of War (because Defense isn’t evil enough) has given a bizarre speech, in which he said, “It’s completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon and leading commands around the country in the world, it’s a bad look”. He said this to an audience of… generals, and Pete walked off stage to a deafening silence. The top brass weren’t amused.
Nigel Farage is leading in the opinion polls - and no it’s not April 1st, as logic should dictate.
A technology company has created an ‘AI actor’ which is sophisticated enough to be a match for Keira Knightley. If the software continues to develop at this rate, within ten years it will even be able to mimic someone who can act.
TLDR: your civilisation is collapsing.
But it’s okay! Because we can still laugh about it. And laugh we must. When the planet continues to be going to hell in a handstarship, we must all celebrate the little moments, and treasure the galactic importance of taking the piss.
Which brings me to Keir Starmer’s conference speech, and a remarkable discovery.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Count Binface Lifts The Lid to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.