A Space Alien Came Travelling

Christmas Tidings to Earth from Sigma IX!

Hello humans!

A very happy Christmas to you all. I hope you’re full of festive vim and vigour. I know I am. The news on your planet might be bleak but how’s this for a present? There are some cracks of light breaking through the giant wall of shit.

Call me a naive optimist from another planet, but if you add together the prospect of Trump and Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor being nailed by the Epstein files, Farage’s past coming back to haunt him, and no more new David Walliams books, things on Earth might just be starting to look a bit rosier. And it’s about time.

That’s the magic of this time of year. It’s when we give our loved ones a gift as a thoughtful token of our love, and we sometimes treat ourselves to a special little something for ourselves.

Well, I say that. It is of course Christmas Eve and the hours are steadily ticking down to that moment when human males are forced to raid the local petrol station mini mart for their last-minute shopping.

BUT WORRY YE NOT! The perfect present is staring in front of you right here, right now. Gift yourself and your beloved friends and family the joy of a full subscription to Count Binface Lifts The Lid! You’ll get all the regular special newsletters from me plus loads more too, giving you the perfect intergalactic satirical guide to 2026. And it’s dirt cheap too! Put some pennies in the bin - you won’t regret it.

And to prove it, I thought I’d share some of special seasonal pearls of wisdom to help get you through the festive season.